Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejectionFear of rejection stems from past experiences when we have felt pain and disappointment and do not want to experience it again. stems from past experiences when we have felt pain and disappointment and do not want to experience it again. If we have been hurt badly in the past we tell ourselves that we should never be fully open again because the pain will be too great. We have just made a commitment to ourselves to not go down that road again. That is when we build our wall to keep us from committing or feeling accepted.

If you want to create a new outcome or experience than what you experienced in the past, you must be willing to make new choices and take new risks. Be conscious of your patterns and habits so you can change them.

When you allow yourself to be present to everything you’re feeling and experiencing, it doesn’t really matter if others agree or approve of what you’re experiencing. This is because you don’t need to seek their approval; you trust that everything you’re going through and everything you are feeling is valid.

When I first began teaching classes years ago, I was afraid that people would think I was some sort of wacko. A coo-coo who was preaching these far out beliefs and I risked losing friendships and associations because I was choosing to teach my beliefs.

Well, the classes were well received and the people liked what they were learning so that gave me more confidence. Then I was asked to be on the radio and I thought, “Yikes now even more people are going to hear me. Who said I knew what I was talking about?” But I trusted myself and the material and did very well. They even asked me back and I had more people attending my classes!

Each time I get pushed to another level of presenting myself and my beliefs I would take a big breath and trust that I was on the right path. I didn’t have time to worry about what people would think and how they would react. Of course, it did help that I was hearing from people all over the globe and that were were all discussing similar subjects and teaching the same lessons.

I did lose a few friends who didn’t understand the path I had chosen, but then I realized that they didn’t support who I was becoming and my spiritual growth so I didn’t need their negativity anyway. I have learned to take that leap of faith and risk everything by putting myself out there to see what happens.

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Your Intuitive Side

IntuitionAre you becoming more aware? Getting feelings that something is going to happen or that someone is going to call? A sense of sadness or happiness when two minutes ago you weren’t feeling a thing?

Sounds like your intuitive side is waking up!

Everyone has an intuitive side, some people open up to it more than others and some people ignore it all together. But then some people are better at sports or signing than others. It is up to each individual to decide whether or not they want to perfect it more.

Here are three fun ways to do that:

  1. Have someone pick a picture out of a magazine, put it into an envelope and hand it to you. Hold it in your hand and see if you get anything. Do you sense color? Form? Even a picture. Write down what you sense then open the envelope and see how close you got to the actual picture.
  2. Sit quietly in mediation, ask a question, then wait and see if you hear a sound, feel an emotion or see an image. Write down what you felt/saw/heard and put the time and date on it. Then pay close attention during the next couple of days and see if anything happens that’s similar to the message you received.
  3. Take a object and hold it it your hand to see if you “get” anything from it like a feeling or image.

These are some ways to have fun with developing your intuition. Don’t be too hard on yourself in the beginning. A lot of second guessing goes on and you could talk yourself out of your ability.

I work with people who are beginning to open to their awareness and help them learn how to read the signs. It can be confusing at times, but it is there. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to keep a journal since it can help make sense of what you area receiving.

Have a question about intuition, perception or premonitions? Submit your question and I’d be happy to answer it!

The Obsessed

Modern Tree“To do something for the pure joy of it; to want to contribute something to others as a way of service is altruistic. But to be driven by an activity to the extent that everything else becomes secondary is abnormal. The individual who is obsessed, possesses compulsive ideas or irresistible urges.” – John Randolph Price

This essentially describes addictive behavior, behavior that arises when individuals go into their deep rooted shame and subscribe to a belief that they are flawed or guilty of something. They start creating a belief system about themselves; “No one would want to love me”, “I am no good”, “I always screw up.” They believe this because they don’t love themselves.

This is the root for all addictive behaviors: the alcoholic, the drug addict, the compulsive gambler, the sex addict, the overeater….you get the idea.

Sometimes this is a result of a traumatic experience. One example is a client of mine who was extremely overweight. She had been sexually assaulted as a very young child. The perpetrator keep telling her she was such a cute little doll and she was very pretty. She was frightened; she didn’t like what was happening, but the abuse occurred three or four different times and at some point she decided the only way to not be pretty was to eat…obsessively.

This is a choice some compulsive/addicted people make. A choice that becomes life damaging. My client now hates herself for being fat and thinks she is ugly, and the process of self-hate is now fed, (literally) by a new belief that she isn’t good enough, or pretty enough. The goal here is to heal the abuse and then address the eating issues by allowing her guilt surrounding the situation to heal.

Another example is the compulsive shopper. I counseled a young woman who would shop when she felt out of control. On the outside, she was intelligent, attractive, funny, and self-assured, but when she felt scared or unsure of herself and the decisions she had made she would take the rent money and go shopping. She described the high she felt while shopping – almost as if she were in a daze – and the low, guilty feelings she had when she “came down.”

By working with her to help her understand that there were just things that were out of her control, she was able to get her addiction under control. She no longer needs to buy things to feel good about herself.

To be free of these beliefs – and the guilt that accompanies them – we must choose freedom from guilt. No one put the guilt on us – we are responsible for our feelings, and now we are free to begin the healing process.

Teacher’s Teacher: Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart TolleOne of my favorite go-to authors is Eckhart Tolle. I like his straight, get-to-the-point style. His writing is cut and dry, and he’s not concerned with having to do things a certain way. He teaches one thing: to stay in your present moment and everything falls into place after that.

It sounds very simple but it’s not. And every time I read parts of his books or listen to one of his talks it makes so much sense. His information isn’t all tangled up in rituals, how to meditate, or spiritual beliefs. He just talks about The Now, how we react to the present, and how we carry baggage that holds us back.  His principles are very similar to the way I have worked my spiritual practice for years.

When I find an author I like, I tend to read their books slowly and savior all the knowledge. Even for me it was hard at first to quiet my mind and go within. From his website:

Eckhart is a spiritual teacher and author who was born in Germany and educated at the Universities of London and Cambridge. At the age of 29, a profound inner transformation radically changed the course of his life. The next few years were devoted to understanding, integrating and deepening that transformation, which marked the beginning of an intense inward journey. Later, he began to work in London with individuals and small groups as a counselor and spiritual teacher.

The “Power of Now” is about going into the moment leaving Ego behind. Tolle teaches us how to connect to our indestructible being, or Spirit.

His second book “A New Earth” helps us take a second leap of consciousness from our current identification with Ego to an entirely new way of thinking.

The information Tolle shares is right in line with the information I have always received from my own guides and I am excited that someone has put these ideas down on paper to share with the rest of us.

To find out more about Eckhart Tolle and his teachings, visit his website.

Gaining Approval or Acceptance

Acceptance with heartsThe need for approval kills freedom!

The need to get people to like you or approve of you can influence all of your choices in life and needing the approval of others can create a great deal of anxiety, because you must always be perfect – overachieving – hoping not to be criticized. The need for approval results in doing too much, feeling anxiety, worrying, being unable to stop agonizing over challenges, trying to please everyone, and working too hard.

It means constantly pushing yourself and sometimes spending too much time on projects for work or events at home – aiming for perfection. But you can become so involved with making things perfect that you don’t enjoy them. Not work, not your social life, or your home which you’ve worked so hard to make perfect.

Or, you’re always creating challenges. You may procrastinate, or avoid doing certain things, causing anxiety and fear, and getting stuck in worry .

This is eating up your whole life.

Spending your life doing this is a waste of time.

Instead, pay attention to how the need for approval is keeping you from growing. You may be stuck in a bad relationship or doing work you don’t really enjoy – causing you to do too much instead of only what is important – and creating a distraction from discovering what really matters to you.

This can get in your way when you are given new opportunities at work or with friends and family.

Ultimately, what others think of you has little impact on your decision-making about how to spend your time. Your performance should come from other motivational factors, such as being aware of what is important to you, what drives you, and what makes you happy.

You can start by getting in touch with what really matters to you. By listening to what you really want in your life and acting to make it happen.

Life becomes much more effortless when you are living in alignment with what is important to you.

 

Fear of Lonliness

Feeling Alone and IsolatedI hear from people regularly about how lonely they feel on their spiritual path, “I wish I had more like minded people to talk to” or “I would love to be surrounded by people who are deeply spiritual.” Sometimes, they have lost friends and loved ones because they believe differently now. There are even times when you can feel totally alone in your beliefs while being completely surrounded by people. Sound familiar?

But here’s the thing: You can be alone, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely. Be careful not to interpret alone as lonely. I learned that there are tremendous benefits to alone time. I believe these moments of alone time are given to us to explore our inner side. I came to value and love my alone time and I try to use it well by meditating, journaling, and reflecting. I also believe that so much of the aloneness that people are feeling right now is part of the plan to push humanity into figuring out and truly feeling that we are all one.

Just remember, the lonely and not-fitting-in times never last too long. And you can learn many things about yourself and other during those times.

Your Inner Child

Inner ChildIf you saw a small child standing all alone, looking scared, hurt and frightened, would you walk away from that child?

But we do every day. There is a little child inside all of us that has been carrying our hurts, sadness, and fears.

There are feelings inside of us that we have been carrying around since childhood. They have gone unhealed and unheard all this time. They show up in our outer life as problematic communications, anger issues, dysfunctional relationships, addictions or codependency.  They may leave us feeling sad, lonely, abandoned or distrustful.  Most of these issues were established out of early childhood experiences. You may not even be aware that these defensive and self defeating patterns exist or that they are causing problems in your life. Often these patterns were formed in order to protect the child you once were but now are keeping you from the life you deserve and long for.

But these patterns and beliefs can be healed allowing you to change your perspective and move into a place of emotional and spiritual freedom. As you learn to listen to your own inner self you begin to feel heard and are able to get some distance from old messages, emotional loops and tapes. The old wounds that you have carried can finally begin to heal.  As you move along with the process you will begin to receive new messages based on truth and eventually will begin to relax and trust in your own inner guidance. When you choose to align yourself with the truth you begin to honor who you truly are. The more you learn to trust yourself the less likely it is that you will give your power away to others. As you learn to access your own inner resources you will begin to see more clearly and feel more empowered.  You will begin to find a deeper level of understanding of yourself thus affecting your own physical and emotional health and your relationships.