Gaining Approval or Acceptance

Acceptance with heartsThe need for approval kills freedom!

The need to get people to like you or approve of you can influence all of your choices in life and needing the approval of others can create a great deal of anxiety, because you must always be perfect – overachieving – hoping not to be criticized. The need for approval results in doing too much, feeling anxiety, worrying, being unable to stop agonizing over challenges, trying to please everyone, and working too hard.

It means constantly pushing yourself and sometimes spending too much time on projects for work or events at home – aiming for perfection. But you can become so involved with making things perfect that you don’t enjoy them. Not work, not your social life, or your home which you’ve worked so hard to make perfect.

Or, you’re always creating challenges. You may procrastinate, or avoid doing certain things, causing anxiety and fear, and getting stuck in worry .

This is eating up your whole life.

Spending your life doing this is a waste of time.

Instead, pay attention to how the need for approval is keeping you from growing. You may be stuck in a bad relationship or doing work you don’t really enjoy – causing you to do too much instead of only what is important – and creating a distraction from discovering what really matters to you.

This can get in your way when you are given new opportunities at work or with friends and family.

Ultimately, what others think of you has little impact on your decision-making about how to spend your time. Your performance should come from other motivational factors, such as being aware of what is important to you, what drives you, and what makes you happy.

You can start by getting in touch with what really matters to you. By listening to what you really want in your life and acting to make it happen.

Life becomes much more effortless when you are living in alignment with what is important to you.

 

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Your Inner Child

Inner ChildIf you saw a small child standing all alone, looking scared, hurt and frightened, would you walk away from that child?

But we do every day. There is a little child inside all of us that has been carrying our hurts, sadness, and fears.

There are feelings inside of us that we have been carrying around since childhood. They have gone unhealed and unheard all this time. They show up in our outer life as problematic communications, anger issues, dysfunctional relationships, addictions or codependency.  They may leave us feeling sad, lonely, abandoned or distrustful.  Most of these issues were established out of early childhood experiences. You may not even be aware that these defensive and self defeating patterns exist or that they are causing problems in your life. Often these patterns were formed in order to protect the child you once were but now are keeping you from the life you deserve and long for.

But these patterns and beliefs can be healed allowing you to change your perspective and move into a place of emotional and spiritual freedom. As you learn to listen to your own inner self you begin to feel heard and are able to get some distance from old messages, emotional loops and tapes. The old wounds that you have carried can finally begin to heal.  As you move along with the process you will begin to receive new messages based on truth and eventually will begin to relax and trust in your own inner guidance. When you choose to align yourself with the truth you begin to honor who you truly are. The more you learn to trust yourself the less likely it is that you will give your power away to others. As you learn to access your own inner resources you will begin to see more clearly and feel more empowered.  You will begin to find a deeper level of understanding of yourself thus affecting your own physical and emotional health and your relationships.

Look for Coincidences

CoincidenceThe Universe is always willing to give you what you want if you just ask….and trust that you will get what you ask for. Trusting is the important part, if you don’t trust that it can happen, you won’t see the “coincidence happen”.

Coincidences don’t have to be big, or earth-shattering or life-changing. Mainly, they are just little ways in which the Universe reminds you that they are listening to you. You just have to be open to the idea of receiving and trust.

One of the most happy coincidences I ever experienced was on a visit to surprise my grandma for Christmas. I was living in Phoenix, AZ and she lived in Oakland, CA. She was in her 80’s and because I lived so far away, I wasn’t able to visit her as often as I wanted to. So one year, I booked tickets for the whole family to visit her a week before Christmas.

We arrived early in the morning on the day we were going to surprise my grandma and I wanted to get her a little tree for her apartment, (I had packed the decorations,) so we went in search of trees and found the most perfect one! It was still early, so we decided to eat breakfast then head to grandmas house. While we were eating, I realized that I had forgotten to pick up one of her most important presents – a roll of quarters. (My grandma played Bingo six nights a week.) The banks were closed and there was nowhere to get them. I was so sad because that was going to be her best gift. I was thinking about it out loud and wishing I had a roll of quarters, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I got up from the table to pay for breakfast and I had to stand in line because there was a crowd at the register. The whole time I was trying to figure out how to get those quarters when suddenly the man in front of me asked the cashier if she minded if he paid his bill with a roll of quarters. I couldn’t believe it! I tapped him on the shoulder and offered to buy them from him. He was happy. The cashier was happy and I was ecstatic. What a perfect “coincidence”!

That was thirty years ago, and by now I’m pretty good at asking the Universe for help and trusting it will come.

Last year an oak tree dropped a big limb in the garden. It was in the way of the garden and I wanted it for wood for my wood stove, but I had no way to cut it up and get rid of it. One morning I walked down to the garden wishing I had a chainsaw so I could cut up the log. As I was working in the garden, the gardener from next door came over and we started chit chatting about gardening. I mentioned that I wished I could cut up the big oak branch and he jumped up and ran to his truck. He came back carrying a little chainsaw he used for just such an occasion and chopped it up.

I smiled and thanked the Universe and then told him how I had asked for someone with a chainsaw to help get rid of the log. He smiled a big smile and laughed. He told me he had gotten in his truck that morning and was getting ready to leave when something told him he would need his chainsaw that day. We both smiled and thanked the Universe.

What coincidences have you experienced? Has anything ever just appeared at the exact moment you needed it? Please share your stories in the comments section below.

The Definition of Insanity

RepetitionDo you ever ask yourself, “why does this keep happening to me?” The simple answer is because you keep doing the same thing to yourself over and over.

If you always seem to find yourself in the same situation, maybe it’s time to take a good, long look and figure out how you got there. Chances are, you keep repeating the same patterns hoping for a different result.

Of course, I’m referring to the negative aspects of your life. If you keep doing the same thing again and again but experience positive results, by all means – keep doing what you’re doing!

But if you’re asking yourself, “why does this keep happening to me?” chances are you’re in victim mode and have not taken the time to examine your motives and actions to determine how you might arrive at a different outcome.

Self-exploration is hard, I know. But if you’re really honest with yourself, and take the time to really look at the situation, and if you really, truly want a different outcome – which in effect, results in change – then you need to spend some time figuring out why you act and react the way you do in various situations so that you can alter those unhealthy patterns and become the person your soul truly wishes to be!