The Shoulda, Coulda, Wouldas

The Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Card from Deborah Koff-Chapins Soul Cards deck.

The Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda Card from Deborah Koff-Chapins Soul Cards deck.

We spend a lot of time beating ourselves up, thinking we should have handled a situation differently, wondering if things could have been better if we made another choice, wishing we would have taken another path.

Some people call this regret. I call it the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.

I’ve used a bunch of different Tarot decks over the past 25 years, but the ones I use now are called Soul Cards. I love that each image is open to the interpretation of the reader and the person receiving the reading.

One of the cards that comes up a lot during readings is what I call the Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda card. It has three frightful faces that look like they are yelling and admonishing you. When it appears, it tells me  that the person I am doing the reading for is not  living his or her life for themselves, but doing everything they can to meet the expectations of others. These people are prisoners of their own life, seldom doing what they want to do. And when they do try to breakout of their belief system, they beat themselves up  by saying I shoulda done this, I coulda done that, if I woulda have done this.

Try breaking out of your mold more often by taking risks. They don’t have to be big risks – I’m not asking you to tackle Mount Everest – but try taking little ones if you’re afraid of leaving your comfort zone. For example, if you’re shy, try smiling at the grocery store checkout person next time you’re in line. If you are uncomfortable in large groups, seek out another loner, (there’s always at least two at big gatherings,) and say hi. If you want to lose weight, but are afraid of working out in front of others, dance around your house for fifteen minutes.

Take risks! Let go of what you think everyone wants you to be. When you get an idea explore it. Listen to that little inner voice that says “go for it”. At least you’ll know what the outcome was instead of wondering for the rest of your life, if you shoulda, coulda, woulda.