Forget Regret

Erase RegretHow many times have you carried around a burden from a mistake you might have made years ago? As if it is not enough that the world seems to beat you up, you beat yourself up too.

That’s regret!

It’s important that you move past those perceived mistakes by looking at the situation with an objective mind. What was it you think you could have done in that situation? How would you have acted differently? Is it guilt that still drives you? Or do you truly think you would have turned out differently?

Hindsight is 20/20, right? It is always easier, knowing what you know now, to second guess how you would have handled things differently, but when you were in that situation, you may have had no way of knowing what the outcome would be. You need to really look at the situation and see what your real responsibility was. Most of the time, there really wasn’t anything you could have done to change the outcome of that moment.

So once you recognize the burden, how do you release it? You can start with some simple affirmations:

I am always safe taking chances, moving forward.

I love the opportunity to take chances to move forward in my life.

It is safe for me to move forward and take risks.

It is easy to take one step forward at a time.

I can move through this with grace and ease. The Universe always gives me what I need at the time.

Forgiving yourself is the first step to forgetting regret and making the change to become a healthier you.

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There is No Love Without Trust

TrustTrust is letting go of any need for a specific outcome or way in which something needs to happen. It means allowing things to just flow and watching them unfold naturally. When you begin to open up to your own personal spirituality you are constantly being asked to TRUST.

The hardest thing you are going to do is to let go of your old way of thinking and believing. You’re going to be asked to TRUST in a new way of thinking with good thoughts, kind thoughts, and forgiving thoughts – towards yourself and others. But especially yourself. And as you do this things will start to get better.

Just TRUST.

You’re going to be asked to believe in the Universe, God, the Divine, or your higher deity and trust they are helping you and leading the way. When you trust, you’ll feel better and life will flow much easier. Things can be joyful as long as you Trust.

You’re going to be asked to trust down to your deepest core being and then some.  This is how you start the process of self-help. Self-love. And Personal Growth. You can choose to go as far as you like, or you can stop at any time. But honestly, you may find that you feel so good and life is working so nicely that you get the point and you don’t want to stop, TRUST me.

I teach people how to open up and TRUST. I like to help them on their path and when they get the hang of it I send them out into the world to find themselves and walk their path. Everyone has one, TRUST me.

TRUST your inner self, listen to your own guidance. TRUST yourself to follow your right path.

The Manipulator

Dead TreeOne of my favorite authors, John Randolph Price, has a wonderful book called, “Removing the Masks that Bind Us.” In it, he outlines twelve different behavior patterns and tools for changing them. One of those patterns is The Manipulator.

According to Randolph Price:

A manipulator is a schemer – a devious, shrewd, cunning, trouble-maker. He or she has descended into the lower frequencies of planetary energies. Under the impact to these forces, one has uncontrolled ambition for power, position and prestige. These are crafty and calculating people with intense egotism and purely selfish desires.

In extreme cases, the Manipulators simply do not understand the meaning of compassion, and go through life intolerant of any ideas or views except their own. They will practice destructive criticism, be prone to gossip, and be devoted to petty concerns, whether in the family or workplace.

I’ve also come across manipulators in my counseling practice. For example, one woman was so afraid of not being accepted or loved she needed to control everything to her advantage. She’d lie. Change the truth, deny, and isolate her victim. She’d do anything it took to keep herself in favor. The end result was that at some point she couldn’t remember what she said to who, and slowly the thing she feared the most began to happen. Once again she was rejected and found herself isolated because she drove people away with her behavior.

Her need to control and manipulate came from a deep-seeded fear of rejection and she was so afraid of not being loved, heard, or seen, she would overcompensate by showering those around her with cheap gifts, false compliments and unwelcome advice. She thought that by making people around her succumb to her wishes or feel beholden to her, she would feel safer. Actually, the opposite was true.

Generally, manipulators are completely oblivious to the fact that they are a manipulator. It takes someone pointing out their behavior or standing up to them to call their attention to their destructive behavior. And – surprise! they don’t take to counseling too well. In order for a manipulator to heal, they need to learn how to love themselves enough to allow others to have their own opinions and beliefs and this can be very threatening to a manipulator because deep down they truly hate themselves and feel extremely unlovable.

It takes time and patience to work through this particular behavior, but with a good therapist it’s possible.

Look for Coincidences

CoincidenceThe Universe is always willing to give you what you want if you just ask….and trust that you will get what you ask for. Trusting is the important part, if you don’t trust that it can happen, you won’t see the “coincidence happen”.

Coincidences don’t have to be big, or earth-shattering or life-changing. Mainly, they are just little ways in which the Universe reminds you that they are listening to you. You just have to be open to the idea of receiving and trust.

One of the most happy coincidences I ever experienced was on a visit to surprise my grandma for Christmas. I was living in Phoenix, AZ and she lived in Oakland, CA. She was in her 80’s and because I lived so far away, I wasn’t able to visit her as often as I wanted to. So one year, I booked tickets for the whole family to visit her a week before Christmas.

We arrived early in the morning on the day we were going to surprise my grandma and I wanted to get her a little tree for her apartment, (I had packed the decorations,) so we went in search of trees and found the most perfect one! It was still early, so we decided to eat breakfast then head to grandmas house. While we were eating, I realized that I had forgotten to pick up one of her most important presents – a roll of quarters. (My grandma played Bingo six nights a week.) The banks were closed and there was nowhere to get them. I was so sad because that was going to be her best gift. I was thinking about it out loud and wishing I had a roll of quarters, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I got up from the table to pay for breakfast and I had to stand in line because there was a crowd at the register. The whole time I was trying to figure out how to get those quarters when suddenly the man in front of me asked the cashier if she minded if he paid his bill with a roll of quarters. I couldn’t believe it! I tapped him on the shoulder and offered to buy them from him. He was happy. The cashier was happy and I was ecstatic. What a perfect “coincidence”!

That was thirty years ago, and by now I’m pretty good at asking the Universe for help and trusting it will come.

Last year an oak tree dropped a big limb in the garden. It was in the way of the garden and I wanted it for wood for my wood stove, but I had no way to cut it up and get rid of it. One morning I walked down to the garden wishing I had a chainsaw so I could cut up the log. As I was working in the garden, the gardener from next door came over and we started chit chatting about gardening. I mentioned that I wished I could cut up the big oak branch and he jumped up and ran to his truck. He came back carrying a little chainsaw he used for just such an occasion and chopped it up.

I smiled and thanked the Universe and then told him how I had asked for someone with a chainsaw to help get rid of the log. He smiled a big smile and laughed. He told me he had gotten in his truck that morning and was getting ready to leave when something told him he would need his chainsaw that day. We both smiled and thanked the Universe.

What coincidences have you experienced? Has anything ever just appeared at the exact moment you needed it? Please share your stories in the comments section below.

Abundance Takes Many Forms

Abundance takes many formsIt seems that everyone is always talking about abundance – needing more, welcoming more, sharing more, etc.

But the word abundance shouldn’t just be used to describe material abundance because what “abundance” really means is have plenty of something – whether it’s love, friendship, security, joy, health, or money.

One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make is failing to recognize that abundance takes many forms. Unfortunately, we are often so focused on actual money – paper bills and credit cards – that the abundant gifts The Universe provides go unnoticed.

If you can just take the time to stop, slow down, and pay attention for a moment to what’s going on around you, you’ll see that you probably have more abundance in your life than you thought. Did you receive an unexpected gift in the mail? That’s abundance! Did someone offer to help you in some way? That’s abundance! Did you suddenly realize that you have all that you need for that moment in time? That’s abundance!

The abundance is there, it’s just up to you to recognize the signs and be grateful for it.

Find Your Joy

Find joy everydayJoy. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot this time of year. But what is joy? Is it a feeling? A state of being? An action?

I thinks it’s all of the above.

Joy doesn’t just come around once a year. And it’s not something that can only be found by being creative, (which is what I’m afraid most people will have you believe, for example, “find your joy by doing what you love,” “create something and find the joy in it,” etc.)

Joy is the light feeling you feel in your heart, head, stomach, and all of the limbs in your body. This feeling can occur while observing the natural beauty surrounding you or while playing with your dog. You can find it while doing something you enjoy, whether that’s gardening, cooking, golfing, or wood-working.

But it’s also a mind-set. Being “in your joy” means being connected to the positive universal flow. It’s what happens when you open your heart and allow all of these positive experiences to flow through you. By concentrating on the good things and pushing the negative thought aside, you create more space for joy.

So here’s the real gift of the season: it’s easier to find this joy during the holidays because we’re ALL encouraged, (and given permission,) to believe in magic, sentimentality, wonder, and love. It’s certainly a lot safer for us to express these feelings when we know we’re not alone or going to be judged.

Take advantage of the wonderful gift the Universe is providing this time of year and practice finding your joy in everyday tasks and experiences. Look for it while you shop, stand in line at the post office, while you’re shoveling snow, listening to Christmas carols, or baking cookies. There are so many great opportunities this time of year – don’t miss them!

Acknowledge the gift and take advantage of the collective consciousness that is encouraging you to feel joy. Dance! Sing out loud! Be silly! All of these actions are expressions of joy. Don’t forget to take a moment to savor the feeling as it moves through your mind and body.

Then, be joyful! Not just this time of year, but do your best to find that feeling year-round. I think you’ll be amazed at how enjoyable your life can really be once you know what it feels like and it’s that much easier to tap into.

The Head vs. The Heart

Heart ChakraThere is a battle that rages between your head and heart everyday. When everything seems to be going right for us we are in our heart. When it falls apart we are in our head.

What do I mean by this?

Simply put, when something just “feels right” and you are able to move through your day without a lot of obstacles or distractions, you are in your heart. Sometimes, you might feel a lightness to your body, or a pleasant buzzing coursing through your veins. This is what it feels like to be connected to The Universe. I find that on days like this, I always have a small smile on my face – very Mona Lisa-like – and am friendlier, more open to new experiences, and more willing to trust my gut feelings.

However, when we are in our head, we are cranky, snippy, confused, and often run around like a chicken with our heads cut off. This is because we have become disconnected from The Universe, (and the joyful energy that The Universe emits,) and have allowed our Ego – or mind – to take over the days events. We replay conversations, tasks, and ideas over and over in our head like a movie on constant repeat. This in turn can literally lead to a headache!

One of my favorite teachers, Eckhart Tolle, discusses this in great depth in his first book, “The Power of Now.” In fact, the entire focus of his book is dedicated to quieting our minds and allowing the moment, or now, to guide us.

If you’ve allowed your heart to guide you, you should be able to feel joy, ease, and lightness in what you’re doing. If not, you’ve surrendered to the mind. Try taking a deep breath and re-focusing your energy. Allow yourself to release any confused, angry, frustrated, or anxious feelings and just be. Imagine something that brings you joy and keep that image in your mind. It could be a memory, smell, person, or thought.

Remember, the heart is the boss of us not the brain!